First of all, I am blessed with the most amazing husband! We checked me into the hospital on his birthday and he endured everything right by my side. Katie brought cupcakes to the hospital for a small celebration and stuck around for nearly every moment of our hospital experience. Lots of love to Katie's mom who helped us get settled in and process what was about to happen.
Two days after we found out about our late miscarriage we got a call and made our way to the hospital. We were anticipating outpatient surgery but were shocked to find out I was being admitted to labor and delivery. Though it wasn't the easiest option we are thankful that we had the opportunity to minimize the impact on my body. I don't think anyone was prepared for my stubborn body to keep us there for six long days and nights. The doctors and nurses tried many different things and my body just wouldn't budge! I'll spare the harsh details but I was so relieved to finally go home.
Being at home has had challenges too. Even though the hospital meant poking and prodding we didn't have to deal with the outside world. The thought of seeing the people I know and love was somewhat terrifying but I knew that would help us heal. We have felt so loved because of all the phone calls, texts, emails, visits, meals, flowers, hugs, and tears. Every step towards finding our new normal is difficult but worth it.
Even in this tough situation we do feel blessed for a number of reasons. I am so grateful for my health! It feels amazing to not be hooked up to machines, not be pumped full of medications, and simply just operate like a normal person. We hadn't started on the nursery or accumulated a large amount of baby items. The maternity clothes and baby things that we do have are easy to pack up and store until they are needed. We also have hope for future pregnancies. We will likely never know exactly what happened in this situation but the best explanation is that it was probably some kind of genetic fluke. In this case the baby just didn't develop right for some reason. Our hope comes from the fact that we were able to get pregnant pretty easily and my body didn't fail. If anything, my body was still in it for the long haul.
Please continue to pray for us! I know that complete healing will take time and this is something we will always carry with us. I want to celebrate with friends as their families grow. I want Satan to know that I will not listen to him as he tries to fill my head with lies about my self worth, my future dreams, and my relationships! As my favorite band Superchick would say...God "will bring beauty from my pain."
